One year ago today, I was sitting in my sister’s living room with my mom and my dad. I was admiring my engagement ring while we were trying to decide where to eat for my sister’s birthday when we got a text that my sister-in-law, Kelly, was in the hospital and they couldn’t find her baby’s heartbeat. Four months pregnant, and Kelly had to endure a tiring, exhausting battle as she delivered a baby that she had already lost.

In the months that followed, Kelly tried to regain her spirits as my engagement began falling apart and my mom started getting increasingly sick. On the fourth of July, my mom was hospitalized for severe abdominal pain, and her stomach was filled with liters and liters of fluid. It was then we learned that her cancer had spread and that she had months, maybe, to live. Soon after, we also found out that Kelly was pregnant again and as the baby began to grow, my mom began to wither.

My mother fought a relentless, courageous battle for two and a half months. And her one goal the entire time was to survive. To live to see this baby born. But God had other plans.

We did our best afterwards. All of us did. But each event, each birthday, as Kelly’s belly grew, the pain increased too.

This was my sister’s first birthday without my mom, and I felt the loss acutely, as I’m sure she did as well. It was almost unbearable as I walked into church this morning. During the consecration, I couldn’t handle it anymore, I couldn’t bear the bruises and the beating and the pain any longer, so I just handed it over. I gave my heart to Christ.

It was then that Kelly stood up and walked out, with my brother following.

Her water broke and she was going into labor.

And at that moment, I knew. I knew He meant it. “Behold, I make all things new.”

all things new

“…And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes;
and there will no longer be any death;
there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain;
the first things have passed away.”
And He who sits on the throne said,
“Behold, I am making all things new.”

Life can be so difficult and so painful and full of sorrow and grief. But, “how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.” And how can any of that matter when He is always there, ready to make it all new?

All I have to do is give it all to Him.

 

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